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Are You an ‘Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Child of the 50s’? |
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Are You an ‘Angry and Sometimes Grumpy Child of the 50s’? |
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none Their explanations are “is this all there is?”, inflation, expectations v. reality, health-care costs, etc., and the realization that for most, retirement will come in the 70s if at all. (Incidentally this latter statement, is particularly “50s” because children of the “40s” didn’t grow up with the concept of retirement. Fathers died with their boots on. Today it’s “you sleep when you die.” In the 40s, “you retire when you die.”) It’s a great article for looking at the downside, and they even left out being “the Sandwich Generation” – teenagers on one side, aging parents on the other. HOWEVER, since I coach people in midlife transition, I’d like to put forth a different point of view. Midlife is a crisis, and as such it’s full of danger and opportunity. The lifestage needing to be negotiated at this time is resolution, and pulls hard on EQ competencies such as resilience, optimism and authenticity. Resilience means bouncing back from failures and losses and remaining optimistic about the future, i.e., not bitter, cynical. Resolution means reclaiming what’s been lost, which is YOU after all those years of obligations and responsibility. I never talk to a client of any age, sex or culture who hasn’t had adversity. And “sweet are the uses of adversity.” The bad news is, the only way we can learn resilience is by going through hard times. The good news is, there will always be opportunity to learn it. Are my midlife clients grumpy and angry? Rarely, because grumpy and angry people don’t seek coaching. Healthy people seek coaching. Some are confused, initially, and discouraged, but eventually they’re revitalized and about as happy as they decide to be. They reclaim their life, rediscover who they are, reconnect with innate talents, change what they can and master living with what they can’t, and enhance emotional intelligence competencies for the next shot at “life” they’re about to get. It can involve grief and tears … the baby that will never be is one thing that can’t be remedied. Most other things “missed” can be retrofitted, or blessed and laid to rest. So what if you didn’t make colonel? Life goes on. Are they worried about money? How could you not if that’s all you’re thinking about? I call it the “I’ll be eating catfood at 80” syndrome, particularly common in single middle-aged women. It can paralyze you. Even Oprah has it. Does that strike you as ludicrous? That’s the lesson: you can catastrophize if you want to. What goes on in your head is your choice. Personally, I agree with the writer who said he wasn’t very good at worrying, and to trust that it would be a phone call on some normal Thursday afternoon that changes your life forever. Whatever you’re worrying about, it’s likely to be not that, but something you couldn’t conceive of. We only THINK we’re good at worrying. But then do you really want to master that? What are my children-of-the-50s clients up to? Pat did a crash and burn. Trashed a business and a marriage. Now, at 50, he’s successful and content. You can hear it in his voice. What did he do? Quit drinking, and got serious about creating the kind of life he’d actually want to live. “I tell people ‘I have no opinion on that whatsoever,’” he tells me in his relaxed voice. Tom decided to quit running the world, and running from the world, and just enjoy it. Marsela is finishing college, finally, after 4 attempts. With accountability coaching, and work on intentionality, she is about to master lifelong issues involving commitment, closure, and perseverance. She’s excited, wouldn’t you be? Ed is baling from a field he hates. He finally heard what the migraines and ulcer were trying to tell him. He took the StrengthsFinder™ profile and was amazed at the results. He became curious about himself and his life again. Now he's playing (a key trait in resilience) with the possibility of enjoying what he does for a living for a change. Cai-lin is creatively figuring out how to live on less so she can indulge her passion for painting. She told me, “I’ve explored what money can buy. Once the basics are met, not much. I’m going to try something different.” Jzuliahna was angry and grumpy when she started coaching. The first task was to get her in touch with the fact that she was choosing to be angry and grumpy, and her life choices were enforcing this: poor diet, no exercise, pessimism, and toxic relationships. She's benefiting from The EQ Foundation Course™. Lionel is on antidepressants. He suffered a major episode when his wife ran off with his best friend. He isn’t working, which may be the real issue, because the wife who left him was also supporting him. If not the real issue, it’s one that can be remedied. Lionel needs to stay on antidepressants, quit taking his emotional temperature all the time, and get back to work. How else can you build self-esteem? He says, “It’s a miracle I’m alive today.” Adversity isn’t a competition, and everything’s relative, but I’d like to introduce Lionel to Hilary. Her teenager died in an accident, their marriage couldn’t sustain the tragedy, she got down-sized, and then lost half her retirement in the stock market. And I’d like to introduce her to Stephen Hawking Itzhak Perlman. I’d like to close with this challenge: If you’re a child of the 50s who’s grumpy and angry, why have you chosen to be this way, and what do you plan to do about it? About the Author Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here. Written by: Susan Dunn |
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